The 8 Types of Love — According to the Ancient Greeks
We throw around the words “I love you” around so casually that we don’t even consider the meaning behind it. We say the words without really meaning it. We say those words to make the people around us happy, but do we really?
According to different accounts and different people, there are somewhere between 4 to 8 types of love. There’s that warm fuzzy feeling in your chest to that feeling that you just can’t stop smiling. Nowadays, we just throw all of those pleasant feelings into one category, “love” an intense feeling of affection, no elaborations. But according to the ancient Greeks, there are eight different kinds of love.
Agape — Unconditional Love
Agape is the highest and most radical kind of love, unconditional love. It is the kind of love that looks past all physical barriers, it has nothing to do with the kind of pink and red hearts, none of what our sex-obsessed society tries to portray as love.
Agape is universe love, such as loving strangers, nature, or God. Agape can be said to be characteristics of a martyr, someone who willingly gives up one self for the sake of others. It is the love that Christians believed that Jesus gave to everyone, willingly sacrificed for the happiness of others. It is something one could call selfless love or spiritual love, it holds no boundaries, it is the purest form of love that is free from desires and expectations, and loves regardless of the flaws and shortcomings of others.
Agape is what we feel when we forgive, the love that accepts, and the love that believes for the greater good. It can be compared to altruism, the principle and moral practice of concern for happiness of other human beings or animals, resulting in a quality of life both material and spiritual.
With the madness the world is going through, we need to stop and think. Our world right now needs a little more agape.
Eros — Romantic Love
Eros is named after the Greek god of love, lust, and sex, his Roman counter part, Cupid, Amor (“desire”). The winged tiny babe that shoots arrows which makes people fall in love is quite far fetched from the actual god of love, Eros. Eros what the son of Aphrodite and Ares, with his siblings, one of a group of winged love gods.
Eros, named after the god of love, lust, and sex is sexual or passionate love. The ancient Greeks considered Eros to be dangerous and frightening as it involves “loss of control” through the primal impulse to procreate. Though it is fighting, it is an idealistic love that is a natural instinct for most people, but when misguided, eros can be misused, abused and indulged in, leading to impulsive acts and broken hearts.
Eros is centered around the physical aspect of love and the most selfish parts of love. It is a flame that burns hot and bright, but the flame needs to fanned with other aspects of love or else it will burn out.
Philia — Affectionate Love
Philia, also known as friendship is valued far above Eros because it is the love between equals. Philia is not just valued above Eros, but it is also valued above all other types of love. The ancient Greeks believed that friendships not only founded goodness that is associated with mutual benefit but also with companionship, dependability, and trust.
A kind of friendship is that which lovers have for each other. It is a philia born out of eros, and that in turn feeds back into eros to strengthen and develop it, transforming it from a lust for possession into a shared desire for a higher level of understanding of the self, each other, and the world. In short, philia transforms eros from a lust for possession into a spiritual understanding.
Though it is beneficial to have philia born out of eros, it is not the only way to seek philia. Real friends seek together to live truer, fuller lives by relating to each and seeing the world through their thoughts, their way of life, and their defects in their character, which are a far greater source of error than mere rational confusion. They are, somehow, in a way each other’s therapist. They look past physical attraction into something deeper, the feeling of loyalty, sharing of emotions, and shared sacrifices. It helps to find a good friend.
Storge — Familiar Love
Storge is a natural love flowing between parents and children, sometimes with friends and other non-family members. It is a familiar fondness most often associated with kinship, often involving an unbalanced relationship, where the flow of love is asymmetrical or even unilateral. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection. Born out of familiarity and dependency, Storge is unconditional. Though it can also be generated between friends, bosses and colleagues, and owners and pets, it will then be considered philia.
In other words, storge is a kind of philia shared between parents and their childrenIt differs from most philia in that it tends, especially with younger children, to be unilateral or asymmetrical. More broadly, storge is the fondness born out of familiarity or dependency. Compared to eros and philia, it is much less contingent on our personal qualities.People in the early stages of a romantic relationships often expect unconditional storge, but find only the need and dependency of eros, and, if they are lucky, the maturity and fertility of philia. Given enough time, eros tends to mutate into storge.
Ludus — Playful Love
Ludus is the playful, uncommitted, giddy little girl that is in all of us. The Greeks thought of it as a playful form of love, like the affection of young lovers. It is the kind of love that we feel when we get crushes, the blushing when he/she/it walks by. Or the fluttering of your heart, flirting, and teasing that happens when you finally confess your “love”. This is the type of love that happens in the earlier stages of love, before all the seriousness. The playfulness in love is an essential ingredient that is often lost in long-term relationships. Yet playfulness is one of the secrets to keeping the childlike innocence of your love alive, interesting and exciting.
Mania — Obsessive Love
Mania love is a type of love that leads a partner into a type of madness and obsessiveness. It occurs when there is an imbalance between eros and ludus leading into stalking behaviors, codependency, extreme jealousy, and violence. Mania love can be a balm for low self-esteem, and the people who suffer from mania are desperate to keep the sense of self-value that their desired partner provides.
To those who experience mania, love is a means of rescuing themselves, a reinforcement of their own value as they suffer from poor self-esteem. The person just wants to love and be loved. Because of this, they can become possessive and jealous lovers, feeling as though they desperately “need” their partners.
If the other partner fails to reciprocate with the same kind of mania love, many issues prevail, why mania can often lead to issues such as codependency.
Pragma — Enduring Love
Pragma is a love that has matured and developed over time. It is beyond physical love or friendship, it has transcended the casual, uniquely harmonic love that has formed over time.
Pragma can be found in married couples who’ve been together for a long time, or in friendships that have endured for decades. Unfortunately, pragma is a type of love that is not easily found. Because unlike the other types of love, pragma is the result of effort on both sides. It’s the love between people who’ve learned to make compromises, having to demonstrate patience and tolerance to make the relationship work.
We spend so much time and energy trying to find love yet so little time in learning how to maintain it.
Philaudia — Self Love
There has not been much focus of self love, with the fast pace movement of today’s society, we must sit down and remember to love ourselves. You cannot share what you do not have. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love anyone else either. The only way to truly be happy is to find that unconditional love for yourself. Often learning to love yourself involves embracing all the qualities you perceive as “unlovable” or “bad”. But we must care about ourselves. Take a break and drink some water. Remember that today is going to be a good day.
Aftering watching too many romance movies, you would think I can tell you all about the different kinds of love.
Citations: MLA format *of course*
“The 8 Different Types of Love + the Perfect Combo for You: FTD.” FTD.com, 21 Jan. 2020, www.ftd.com/blog/give/types-of-love.
“The 8 Different Types of Love + the Perfect Combo for You: FTD.” FTD.com, 21 Jan. 2020, www.ftd.com/blog/give/types-of-love.
By. “8 Different Types of Love According to the Ancient Greeks ⋆ LonerWolf.” LonerWolf, 21 Nov. 2019, lonerwolf.com/different-types-of-love/.
Urban, Shilo. “Learn the 8 Types of Love (According to the Ancient Greeks).” Organic Authority, 1 Feb. 2017, www.organicauthority.com/energetic-health/learn-the-8-types-of-love-according-to-the-ancient-greeks.
